Monday, April 14, 2008

Living my life...

It's interesting when I look back on my life at what I thought was a major trial and see God's hand guiding me along the way. It's interesting how when a circumstance that I'm uncomfortable in will cause me to run the other way instead of facing and it getting through the lesson God is teaching me. You'd think that since I have seen his handiwork in the past that things would be clear this time around...but seriously...I'm so human and I still haven't learned that lesson.

So...a lot of things are going on in my life lately. I think I wrote a few blogs ago about God teaching us lessons and how sometimes I just have to hold up my hands in the air and say, "please can I get a break?"...sometimes that break comes quickly other times I'm pushed a little more through. Well...I think the amazing way God works is humorous as well.

Well...this weekend was one of those times that I asked God to please hold off...and you know what...He didn't, but He did provide a release of all the frustration I was feeling over the weekend.

Last night, I had got to church early and was sitting in my pew writing in my journal while listening to Avalon singing "El Shaddai" on repeat. I really think that song was the beginning of my healing process. Ginger came in a little early to talk with me and I began the crying process. Ben and Kat came in a little later and Kat asked, "you finally break down?" I said, "yeah, but it's not a bad thing." Then Pastor came in and we talked some and more tears came. Finally one more cry needed to happen until after my job was completed before the message. I was talking to Connie about what a wonderful church family I had and tears just began to fall. She simply hugged me and reminded me of something I sing ... "Life is hard...but God is good."

Right before the service began I was talking to Pastor about the invitation song and told him I wouldn't be able to lead it, and he said, "well the message may not help it either." I just looked at him with a few tears in my eyes. But they didn't leak out.

I made it through the song service without too much problem. Then Mary sang "Bring the Rain" and I just let it go. Then pastor got up and gave the title of his message "The Language of Tears." Kat looked over at me and I said, "well...he warned me." It was a very good message...a great reminder that God does care about those tears we shed...and it's really okay to cry. The best thing about last night was when the invitation was given. Even though I wasn't able to lead the song...due to my crying and shaking voice... I looked up and saw a couple I had been praying for to join our church walking down to the front. YEAH!!! They wanted to join our church. It was such a great way to end the very emotional weekend.

Choir practice wasn't too long, so I was able to head home to get ready to hit the sack and get up this morning to start my new workout plan. YEAH!!!...and I did succeed at getting up.

I want to leave you with a great quote I read yesterday before all the craziness happened. "Live your life as though when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "oh no...she's awake!!!" I want to live my life so that Satan is afraid because I'm a girl living for Jesus.

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