Friday, June 25, 2010

Getting to know a single 40 year old woman...

I'm lonely...as I sat here at home on a Friday night, I decided to search one of my favorite author's websites...Priscilla Shirer. Her ministry is called "Going Beyond." The first book I read by her was "A Jewel in His Crown." Loved the book and really encouraged me in my walk with Christ...to not compromise my values in what I am looking for in a mate. Well...lately I'm getting into that pity party mode and realizing that is just Satan's way of trying to discourage me I decided to see what Priscilla said about singleness. I follower her on twitter and saw that she had some interviews with people who were single (and a few that took stands as a single person, but have gotten married since that stand).

Those videos encouraged me some enough to decide to write about my thoughts...and also answer some questions she had asked some single people.

1. How old am you? and do you still desire to be married?
I turned 40 last month. Most times in my life my desire to be married is strong...however, there are few times (mainly after Sunday mornings Sunday school class it's not as strong -- I teach the pre-primary class and have two adorable and wild little ones in my class).

2. If so...what are you looking for in this stage in your life?
This has changed over the years. When I was younger my dream guy was Kirk Sullivan from 4Him. As I grew older my dream guy was Michael Vartan, but now he's engaged, so I have moved on from him. But seriously now on my "wish list" I have a few items that are non-negotiable.
a. Must be a Christian
b. Must encourage me in my relationship with God
c. Must love and treat me as Christ treats the church.
d. a man of intergrity
Other qualities that are important - that he would not have been married (I know at my age this is hard to find, but I believe all things are possible with God), takes a stand for what he believes, pursues me, enjoys spending time with my friends, wants to pray with me and for me, wants to spend time with me, calls me just to hear my voice, good with money, and musical (either sings or plays an instrument)
3. Why do you think you have never married?
I think it is because God hasn't opened his eyes to me yet. I don't know if I have met my "future" husband yet, or if we are still strangers. I would love to meet and be friends at first, but I don't have a lot of single guy friends. LOL!!

4. What is the part you appreciate most and the part you appreciate the least about being single?
Most - freedom. I can do things without having to check plans with someone else.
Least - the lonely feeling...it comes in those dry times of activity. LOL!!

5. How can other single women encourage each other?
pray for one another. I have a core group of friends of about 8 people who are my "support system." 4 of those 8 are married. The rest of us are single girls. We go through times of discouragement and prayer is a big thing for us.
Also being there for each other to do single stuff together. We love the girls who are married in our group, but now that they are married they have a partner that is important in their life. Having those single girls who get you ... and know the lonely feelings is really helpful.

6. What are some things to never say to single women?
You know the typical things like asking "why we aren't married yet?" is something that is not fun to answer...or when at wedding events making comments to us (or behind our backs) is a struggle. My mom is great about not pushing me to date or get married, but some parents push their single daughters too quickly into a marriage that really shouldn't be happening, just to have their daughter "happy." Marriage does not make a single girl happy...marriage is a difficult life too - just as singleness can be. If I can't be happy in my single life, how can I expect that to change with a marriage certificate. Only God can complete me...not some other guy.

7. What do you think are the top two (unhealthy) struggles with single women?
I can't really say for all single women, but my struggle is staying positive about being single. I know with the question above it looks like I know in my head that marriage is not a cure all, but my heart sometimes thinks it is.
The second unhealthy struggle I think single women can face is the life of purity. I'm thankful for parents who taught me purity so well, that it's engraved. I have always liked the quote from "Clueless" when Cher is talking about keeping her virginity "you see how picky I am with my shoes and they only go on my feet." Earlier she states when a girl asks her if she is a virgin "You say that like it's a bad thing."

8. How do you feel about online dating?
I have tried twice with eharmary. Two times I have met guys and they seemed like good guys, one I'm actually still friends with on facebook, but online dating is not for me.

I was at a Women of Faith conference and heard Lois Evans speak. She made a comment about looking for men on the internet and she said something about stop looking for men yourself and let the Man of Galilee lead him to you. I wish I could remember the exact statement, because it really impacted my life and opened my eyes that I was the one searching for someone special instead of allowing God to lead the man He knows He has for me.

I feel sometimes with online dating the girl pursues the boy. In my past relationships I have jumped the gun at times and allowed myself to be caught up in the romance of it all and compromise my old fashion values and pursued the boy. I don't want that...I want a guy that wants me. I read a non-Christian book "He's Just Not That Into You", but God allowed it to show me that even written from a secular point of view, there were values that I was raised to learn and those values were still good.

9. How do you protect your heart and still date?
This isn't one I can answer yet...right now I'm just protecting my heart. (I haven't dated in a few years.) If I were to go on a date now...I would make sure that my devotional time was devoted to this area of protecting my heart. One thing that I have done, is stopped pursuing boys. Yes, I will talk about guys who I find attractive, but I don't pursue. If they are into me, they can ask me out. I also want to give room for them to chase a little too.

10. Are single women supposed to sit and wait for God to bring them a man?
I am speaking as a single Christian girl and if you read the quote I mentioned earlier from Lois Evans it sounds like that is true that you should just sit and wait for the Man of Galilee to bring him, but it isn't...I believe that we as single women, need to be pursuing God and building that relationship. Living our life...enjoying activities. You never know when you will meet your future spouse...it may be at the grocery store, gym, work place, church, or even on vacation,but there are places that I don't go for meeting guys because those are not the guys that have the qualities on my "wish list". God has the power to allow two peoples paths to cross...sometimes our faith isn't as big as He thinks.

11. Do you approach them?
In times past, I would say yes, but I'm trying something new...I'm trying to be pursued by someone who wants to be with me...not because I'm doing the work, but because they enjoy my company. I personally was raised that girls do not ask guys out or pursue, but I have called boys in the past and probably rushed the relationship. It is a fine line and it's hard to wait, but a verse that has been on my heart lately is Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart...wait, I say, on the Lord" Waiting is a difficult thing to do, but I believe the prize in the end is going to be worth the wait.

12. What keeps you grounded and confident in the Lord?
My personal relationship with God...my devotional time is important to me...I can tell when I'm not spending enough time with him by the choices I make. That's when I have to evaluate what I'm doing to build it.

I hope this blog has encouarged you. It has helped me get my perspective back to where it needs to be. I'm not as lonely as when I started it, because my perspective is back on God and not on me. Life is all about perspective...God showed me a lot about perspective at the beach. One of my friends who is a little fearful about going into the ocean too far, stated one day the waves were really rough. My other friend and I went out a few moments later...I looked at them and said..."I don't think they are too bad...let's go out." But as we walked we began getting closer to where the waves were breaking over and it looked to be pretty high...the water was at our waists and I began to think, maybe she was right. But then I took a step and the water went down to my calves and as I walked closer to the breaking waves, it was at my ankles, I began to get past the breaking waves and it was smooth sailing...(so smooth that we saw a sand shark...LOL). God showed me with that illustration that I can face the rough storms in my life when I'm looking at Him and not at the storm. I can face the dry desert times in my life if my perspective is on Him.

Until next time...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A new project for July

Well...I'm preparing to do a new project in July with my facebook, but I think I will add it to my blog too. I'm going to have a "Picture of the Day."

I saw this idea from one of my favorite bands facebook page. Newsboys has a really cool feature where they post a "Picture of the Day." Some of their pictures were of them, but some of them were just something that they found unique in creation...or unique about their lives.

My goal is to do better with documenting my memories. I think God has given us so many things that we sometimes over look those simple things or even just don't see the really incredible things.

The project will begin on July 1st...next Thursday. I am really excited about this project and am looking forward to what God will show me in this.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Surprise!!!


Surprise! My friends are an amazing group of friends. Last month I turned 40. Since we were short handed for work, I had accidently volunteered to work on the day they were planning to celebrate my party. Well...tonight was the night. We had made plans of going to see the A-Team tonight. Mary was going to come by to pick me up as she was "supposed to have Ben work on her laptop." Well...she picked me up and we went to Ben and Kat's. On the front door was a picture of Jacob (shirtless) and Bella. It was from a calendar. They had stuck a sticker on it that had a line from New Moon.


I took the picture off and thought that is sweet...she must have known that I would like this picture. We walked in the house and I saw that the stairs were covered with plastic black table clothes with apples on the stairs. I made a comment to Mary "what in the world..." she said, "go on up." By then I had seen Mechele and Renee and possibly Kat and Ginger. They all said in unison "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you...Surprise!" I seriously was surprised...I looked around and saw Mechele, Renee, Kat, Ginger, Dave and Ben waiting for me...a great group of friends. They had a cake table and some snacks. They had the movie soundtrack playing with Rob Patterson's song and the movie New Moon in the DVD player. It was very special and really shocked me. I went over and they were telling me how they had kept it from me and finally I said, "so we aren't going to see the A-Team?" Ben grinned and said, "this is it." I thought to myself you all are great, but I want to see Bradley Cooper. And they realized it, but they all decided to go with me. It was really neat to have them there. We had some good food and then we went to Pullman to see the movie. I have to say, since my friend Carrie met Bradley in New York and said, that he smelled REALLY good...that's all I could think about when I watched the movie. That is very distracting...nothing like a great smelling man.


I want to thank my wonderful group of friends for throwing me the surprise party. It was very special and I know that God has brought them in my life to walk with me along this path.

Friday, June 18, 2010

PCD and Kari Jobe at the 41st Annual Dove Awards 2010

Amazing song, sung by Phillips, Craig & Dean and Kari Jobe. I really love Kari's voice and have been a huge fan of PCD for a LONG time. This song is an amazing worship song and one that I hope I:43 learns soon.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Casual Christian

I'm sitting here in Ocean Isle, NC a little saddened by the news of Christian music artist Dana Key passing away. It's bittersweet, because I know he's in Heaven with His Creator and Savior and there's the promise that we will see him again in Heaven.

My favorite recordings are the middle ones with Degarmo & Key..."Every Moment," "Casual Christian," "Alleluia, Christ is Coming," "Destined to Win,"...I could go on...

The first moment I read the news this morning on Clay Crosse's facebook page, the song that came in my head was "Casual Christian."

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a casual Christian
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna live a lukewarm life
Cause I wanna light up the night,
with an Everlasting Light
I don't wanna live a casual Christian life.

These words are just such an encourgement in my Christian walk...It's a prayer that I pray I don't fall into a casual Christian life.

Anyway...check out some youtube videos of songs Degarmo & Key has done...some of my favorite songs have videos that will go with them.