Monday, December 31, 2012

Forgiveness - Tenth Avenue North - Losing

Forgiveness has been on my heart the last couple of days.  I had a situation that I felt I needed to forgive and ask them to forgive me.  Well...since taking care of that situation I have read posts by others about forgiveness.  The first was from Michael O'Brien (my favorite Christian singer).  Here's what he shared...

Forgiving someone for doing something hurtful to you doesn't make that person right in what they did, but it makes you free.  I heard that from my dear sister Stormie Omartian and really love that revelation.
This post from Michael was encouraging to me because right before reading this, I had made the decision to forgive some people.  I prayed that God could do what he wanted with the relationships for His glory. 

I understand that friendships and relationships can come and out of our lives for certain times.  I have been hurt a few times in the past and know that holding onto those hurts doesn't help me...what it does is harbor a root of bitterness to grow.  Which causes a barrier to become between God and me.  Thankfully God has used a few messages and friends' postings to lead me to what I needed to do.  

What I need to do now is forgive and let God deal with how the other person responds.  Since taking the initiative, I had another post that really spoke to me.  It was from a friend who is a pastor's wife.  She shares...

Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive! Don't wait until tomorrow! I really don't know why this is so heavy on my heart right now, but it is...there will come a time in each of our lives that WE are the ones standing in the need of forgiveness.  What a dreadful place to be - but what a merciful place it CAN be! No one is above the need for mercy.  Praising God for the mercy and grave He's shown ME in 2012! Overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for my Saviour, and for those with which He allows me to walk this road! p.s. I forgive you ;)
This led me to think of the song by Tenth Avenue North - Losing.  I think this describes exactly how it feels to not forgive someone for what they have done to you.  It hurts...but we are only hurting ourselves more by not forgiving others.  May God bless!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Difficult Day

I know Sundays should not be titled "difficult," but today mine was.  I woke up in plenty of time for church.  Got myself ready for church, then cleaned off the cars (mine and mom's).  Then went out to start my car and...nothing!  Absolutely nothing.  

I came back in and mom gave me her keys to use her car.  She wasn't feeling well and their church was canceled this morning, so I headed out.  It's weird driving a car that you aren't used to.  I love my SUV...I love how I sit up high in it.  Mom's car is not high...I felt like I was dragging on the road :) but I'm thankful her car was working and able to take me to worship.

Thankfully, I have been learning about peaceful living.  Basically not letting my circumstances rule my life.  You know the saying, when life gives you lemons...make lemonade!  Well, I went out around 4 pm, to try to jump my car. I turned my mom's car on, opened the hood, then just looked.  Crazy! I could not find the battery.  I knew where my battery was, but hers I couldn't find.  

A guy from my mom's church drove by and stopped to help me.  He was a really good friend of mine and I was glad that he came by.  After he started working on it, my uncle Ray came by. I can't tell you the happiness my mom had seeing those two men stop by to help her little girl.  She prayed right before they both came for me to know what to do or for someone to stop by to help...well her prayer was doubly answered.  

I still don't have my car working, but thankfully I can use my mom's car tomorrow to get to work.  After work, I'll have to see about getting my battery out of the car to take to the auto repair shop and see if they can test it or buy a new one.  

Yes, it's been a difficult day, but through this day God has surprised me.  I was to sing at my church tonight and even though this was going on, I was able to sing the song in my heart "One Child."  I was thankful to have the ability to sing and still see God in the craziness of life.  

Charles Swindoll has said "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."  I want to praise God through situation.  I want to give him glory even though it's not what I have asked for.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Getting ready for the new year - 2013

I usually try to make some resolutions for the new year.  Most of the time I don't keep them, but there is the rare occasion that I have kept one or two.  Like when I resolved the year I turned 33 that I wouldn't get married - of course, I was trying to break that one. LOL! :)  But in a serious one, I resolved the year of 2010 that I would lose weight.  It worked - I lost 30 pounds - and kept it off for over a year, but this year I unfortunately found those lost pounds.  So it's time to reflect and see what needs to change.

Insanity defined is "doing the same old things, but expecting different results."  I have learned this lesson and realize that to get different must do some changing. I love the biblical application to this.  God doesn't change us before he saves.  He saves us - then he allows trials and testings to help to change us.  

I have decided to do 3 changes.  I like the number 3 and think it's a good number to work through this year.

1. to read through the Bible in a year.  I have always attempted to start, but always ended up reading in different ways.  So I have a check sheet.  I'm a person who doesn't like to just read through from Genesis to Revelation, but I like marking off chapters that I have read. So that's what I'm attempting this year.  To read through the Bible - I will keep you posted on how it goes.

2. I want to begin the 7 steps to Inner and Outer Beauty "Greater Health God's Way."  I have read part of this book before and have tried to implement what I have read, but never finished it.  I am actually going to try this year to work through the book.  I'll probably journal the book through here to help with success.

3. To track my eating and exercise via "My Fitness Pal."  I know I need to be accountable. I have this linked to my Facebook page and also have friends on it to help cheer me along.

Last year was called my "waiting" year.  I still believe God is teaching me by waiting upon Him, so I'll continue that theme as my word for the year...but I'm open to see what else He will be teaching me.

Until next time...

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

whoa! two post for the day :)

I just finished my last post on Facebook for the day and I wanted to write a little more about it. Here is what I shared there - 
it has been a very emotional day, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. God has been so good to me - blessed me with an amazing family, wonderful friends, and special memories. He gave me a very special moment this morning by reminding me that He is all I need. Don't get me wrong, I had great gifts from my family, but Jesus gave me Himself as a gift, and I'm thankful I accepted His gift 29 years and 4 days ago. There but for the grace of God go I :)
I had an amazing time with my family. I had gotten my sister the Jason Crabb Live DVD - he was singing "I'd Rather Have Jesus" on it.  Hearing that this morning, I just wanted to share it with my friends on Facebook.  This brought a friend of mine posting another video from that DVD for me to check out. I was actually listening to it as I was writing my earlier blog.  Leah had told me to check out another performance on youtube "I'm Amazed" he was to be at a prison and he had some of the members of the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir with him at this prison.  Some of the men were stone cold faces listening to the songs, others were weeping.  It was an incredible performance so I shared it with my friend. He enjoyed it.  

What was really special about the day was this was the first Christmas that I really didn't want anything.  What I mean is I realized that Jesus is all I want...He's definitely all I need, but to say Jesus is all I truly want is something.  My goal for this Christmas was to enjoy the moments - moments with my momma - my family - my nephews - my friends.  Remembering those things and just really taking in those moments.  

Life is short.  We know that especially with the tragedy at Newtown, CT.  That situation has been on my heart as I begin to pick songs to share with a church on New Years Eve.  One of the songs, I hope to share is "Can You Hear Me? (How Many Times)" by Plumb.  This is a special song for me because after daddy passed, I heard it and it touched me.  I have asked those same questions "How many times have you heard me cry out, God please take this? How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?"  I know during these last 6 months every breath that I have taken has been from God.  He knows how many days I'm to live.  My job is not to make estimations of His return, ask questions of why things happen, or persuade people on my side of thinking.  What I'm to do is serve Him and bring honor to Him.  To glorify Him.  I was created by The Creator to bring praise to Him.  I love that.  I sing a song called "Psalm 139" - I love the thought of the song "Even though You know (me) You will always love me, Even though you know, You'll never let me go, I don't deserve Your love, but You give it freely, You will always love me...even though you know."  So when people ask me why does God allow for things like this to happen...I have to remind myself I don't have to have a pat answer. I don't have to understand the workings of God.  I trust that He (My Creator) is in control and bring praise to Him.  

I do know that God can be there in those dark days.  He can be there holding our hand.  Think about the poem "Footprints" - when the man only saw one set of prints in the sand...he was told those were the times he was being carried.  

What I do understand is that God has been there for me in my dark times.  He has been there holding me ... giving my breaths to take ... in control! I think of my brother's song that he wrote in honor of my dad.  "There but for the grace of God go I"  

So as I close this Christmas Day of 2012.  I'm thankful that I'd rather have Jesus...than anything :)

Merry Christmas

Well, I haven't written since my post from November.  I hope to do better beginning this post about writing for this blog. 

Yesterday was my mom and dad's anniversary.  A few weeks ago, I had thought about giving her something for the anniversary. If daddy were here she would get something and I didn't want her to not get something special for that day. I ended up purchasing a locket that I put one of daddy's pictures in it.  I have a place to put her in it too :)

Christmas is here!  The celebration of Jesus' birth.  My tradition for the past several years has been to come to my sister Leah's house and go to their Christmas Eve service to listen to Pastor Rick deliver a monologue about the Christmas story. It's such a special time.  

It was a little difficult this year sitting in the service knowing that my dad is in Heaven and not in the seat next to us.  At the closing Pastor Rick stated that how he knew it had been a hard year for many of the people. That's when my tears really showed up.  

For my sister's present this year I gave her a DVD of Jason Crabb singing.  I am not a HUGE fan, but she is.  I have to say, the man can sing.  Especially when he's singing "I'd Rather Have Jesus."  Listening to it this morning, put everything into perspective.  The gifts we receive on Christmas are nice, but the real gift we should be receiving (if not received already) is the gift of salvation by Jesus Christ.  He came to this earth as a baby and grew up.  Learn the trade of his earthly father as a carpenter.  When it was time, He began His earthly ministry pointing people to God.  Once the events were completed, it was time for Him to be crucified. The Jews didn't kill Jesus...He gave up the ghost. He gave His life up for us.  He did this with such love in His heart for every soul that had lived before Him and those who will live after this act of kindness.  

So this morning, why Jason was singing "I'd Rather Have Jesus." I sat there and thought of how special Jesus' gift to me is.  It just really helped me to see how things in the world don't match to Jesus!

Merry Christmas!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Thanksgiving is almost upon us

I woke up this morning thinking..."I can't believe Thursday is Thanksgiving."  I have so much to do before the family comes in...tomorrow.  So, why am I writing a blog instead of working on stuff that needs to be done.  Because I want to share some thanksgiving thoughts that are going through my head.

I have been thinking about being thankful for the valleys of our life.  My parents used to sing together and one of my favorite songs they sang was "Thank You for the Valley" by Dottie Rambo.  I loved hearing them sing it, and it wasn't because I heard a cute boy from church camp sing it when I was little too - however, I do still remember him singing it.  

That song talks about how life can't be all sunshine, because the flowers would die without rain, the rivers would be barren, and if we had only blessings our prayer life would suffer to an extent. 

The chorus talks about being thankful for the lonely nights.  I know I have lived through many lonely nights, but I wouldn't trade them because God was with me during each one of them.  I struggle a lot of times being single and not having a companion, but I'd rather be single than settle for something that is less than God's best for me.  

I'm thankful for the valleys I walk through...knowing that Jesus is with me...guiding me each step of the way :)

Friday, November 09, 2012

so much to do ...

so  little time.  I can not believe there are only 12 days until my family celebrates Buckeye Christmas.  This is what we call the Jayne Family Christmas.  I was raised in a family with 7 children and 6 of them are married and live away. 5 of them have kids...and it makes it hard to get everyone in at Christmas time, so several years, we decided to change it up and have everyone come in during the Thanksgiving weekend.  We used to celebrate the Christmas part on Friday or Saturday, but that has changed too.  Now we celebrate it on Thanksgiving.  How does that go?  Well, we meet around 2 pm for Thanksgiving dinner, then that afternoon/evening we have Buckeye Christmas.  I'm not really sure why it's called Buckeye, because for several years it was held in Kentucky, but we still called it that.  I have to say, I like calling it Buckeye - because I am one :)

We have a lot of fun getting together to eat, fellowship, eat, play games (especially mafia), eat some more, play with the nieces/nephews, and did I mention eat????  One of our favorites is Giovanni's Pizza.  My family LOVES it. :) it's the BEST!

This Buckeye Christmas may have more tears than any other Buckeye Christmas we have had.  My daddy is in Heaven now and he is greatly missed.  I was thinking about last December and how I sang a new song at their church - I actually surprised my parents.  My dad was doing well and he was singing in the choir...that was just last December...and now he's with Jesus.  The time was just too short with him.  I am thankful that he shared with me Jesus' gift of Salvation.  Christmas is all about Jesus coming to earth - did it happen on December 25th? No, but that's the day we have set aside to celebrate it.

I have a few projects I'm working on to complete for Buckeye Christmas and Christmas in December.  I also am directing the Children's Christmas program again this year.  I have been reading the Christmas story from the Bible to these kids.  My helpers and I have prayed over the kids and for the hearts of those who will attend.  I am praying the seeds will be planted - and maybe harvested through this presentation.

Well...this blog is all over the place, but it's been awhile since I wrote. I hope to do better and maybe things can settle down some :)

Saturday, October 06, 2012

Still waiting on the Lord

2012 has been my year of focusing on "Waiting on the Lord."  It's been an interesting year.  I never thought when I began this year I would go through all I have gone through.  Especially with my dad graduating to Heaven.  

I have been meeting with my accountability partner (when we can) going through a study.  It's been very clear that God has directed our lives to do this study. I'm thankful to have this study and help me become the woman God is creating me to be.  I know He has had His hand on me through my life.  

God has taught me a lot about the different aspects of waiting.  Waiting is sometimes being still, but the majority of the time it's waiting in action form.  I was reading my devotional today from "Our Daily Bread." I want to share this with you all today.

You’d think I would have my mother’s fingerprints embedded in my knee from all the times she squeezed my leg in church and whispered in no uncertain terms, “Be still.” Like any boy, I had a bad case of the wiggles in places like church. So for years, when I read, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10), I thought of it in terms of not being antsy.
But the Hebrew word for still means “to cease striving.” It’s the concept of putting your hands down and letting God intervene in your situation without your interference. This word picture is interesting, since we often use our hands to push things out of our way, to protect ourselves, or to strike back. When we drop our hands, it makes us feel defenseless and vulnerable—unless we can trust that “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (v.1), and that “the Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge” (v.7). In other words, stop struggling and wait on God to do His work!
In the face of all of life’s circumstances, we can know the peace of trusting the presence and power of God in the midst of trouble as we wait patiently and prayerfully for His deliverance. So drop your hands, for God’s hands are busy on your behalf!
Be still and know that He is God
For pathways steep and rough;
Not what He brings but who He is
Will always be enough. —Anon.
When we put our problems in God’s hands,
He puts His peace in our hearts.
I love how the words for "still" in Hebrew mean "to cease striving."  How many times do we think being still means just sitting. Just like waiting is just a not action.  While waiting on the Lord, I will drop my hands out of the way and let Him do the working :)

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Missing my daddy

October is here, and I've been missing my daddy a lot.  A friend of mine went over to the Community Hospice in Ashland to look for some of the bricks.  She found my daddy's brick and I sent copies to my brothers and sisters.

Most of the time I'm living life in a new normal, but there are times that sadness comes over me.  I know my dad is in Heaven (a better place), but it's still hard to come home knowing that he's not waiting for me in his chair.  

I'm so thankful that my dad taught me about Jesus and His gift of salvation to us.  Because I have accepted Jesus' gift, I will get to see my dad again one day.  

Having that hope is a comfort.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Grave site

So, today was the first day I went to the grave site of my daddy.  Momma had asked me a couple of times that we had been in the car if I had been, and I told her not yet.  I don't know why I hadn't gone yet, but I'm glad I finally did.  I sat there for a few minutes and just said..."I miss you...and I love you."  It's tough a lot of times, but I know where he is...he is with Jesus...and I can't wait to see him again.

I hope to go back again soon.

Friday, July 27, 2012

week in review this past week was the first week being at home with just me and momma.  I worked 4 10-hour shifts this week and had Wednesday off for an eye appointment.  The week went well.

Momma and I got a really pampered evening last night.  A friend of the family, Beth, came by to give us a spa evening of relaxation.  It was heaven on earth.  God is precious to have given people in our lives to dote on us.  I was feeling good most of the day too :)  Momma said she would like to have another evening like that :)  I think it was good for her and me too. 

VBS clean-up is finished.  I mopped the fellowship hall on Wednesday.  Next we will be getting ready for our church anniversary day in August.  I will be working on places in the Sanctuary to get it prepared.  

Until next time...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Resolution for Women

Well, I have met with my accountability partner in my study of the Resolution for Women.  We are just in the second resolution which is...
2. I WILL CHAMPION God's model for womanhood in the face of a profeminist culture.  I will teach it to my daughters and encourage its support by my sons.

I received a comment on the original post where I listed the 13 different resolutions.  At that time, I hadn't actually read and studied them yet, just listed those listed in the introductory chapter.  Well...I did receive a comment from a guy who stated the following...

This resolution is very self oriented. I would be saddened if this caught on and would considered in the same breath as the resolution. You get to number 10 before mentioning your husband. The resolution puts God, wife, and family in number 1. I dont think that is biblically sound. Sorry for a negative review but I don't like the selfish, feminist spin poured on this. God bless...

I understand where he is coming from...from the sound of them they do look like the wife is put first in the statements, but as I have been studying them, I have found that we have to build a foundation of what God expects of women before we can relate to our husband (future husband in my case).  The first resolution stated that I resolve to be content in the season that God has placed me.  This sounds like it's just between God and wife, but actually when we understand that God has placed us in situations and seasons where things are not on our time table we are able to roll with the punches...thus being able to fulfill our duties to the husband.

The second resolution talks about champion God's model for womanhood in the face of a profeminist culture.  This is how we are to be submissive to the husband.  God has placed the home to be God, husband, then wife.  Women in the profeminist culture think it's beneath a women to be submissive to the husband, but God has placed this unit for our good. Not to demean us...God values a woman as a treasure, a precious jewel.  It may not say anything about the husband until resolution 10, but he is showing up in every resolution ... if studied deeply.

This explanation may not change the persons mind...but I felt it important to explain on my behalf and since this is MY blog to help me in my growth as a Christian woman, I felt I needed to track it.  I thank God that He is using this book to help me...but our number one source is the Bible.  God has given us His Word guide us in our life.

Friday, July 20, 2012

a few thoughts....

So I just ended VBS week 2012.  As I sat in the VBS dedication service, my thoughts were ... "I can't believe I made it here.  I can't believe I'm actually able to work with these kids for a week."  Most of this year, during the prep time, I was spending at the hospital with  my dad.  On Sunday during VBS dedication service, I realized it had been a month since my daddy went to be with Jesus.  He lived his life in a way that pointed people to Jesus...and here I was about to begin this week working with kids and pointing them to Jesus.  Now I get to pass along what I learned from my daddy and see his testimony reach even more people.  What a blessing!

I have such a great Christian heritage. My dad was unsaved when he married my momma.  She was not living for the Lord at that time either.  But a man of God who worked with  my daddy, witnessed to him and pointed him to Jesus.  Daddy didn't know how to pray, so he simply said, "Lord, help me!" and He did.  Daddy spent the rest of his life proclaiming the word of God, showing how we can live as Christ lived, and especially teaching me about forgiving others.

I have something else special...I have a pastor who learned from my daddy.  I can't tell you how special it is to sit under the teaching of Pastor Scott Jenkins...sometimes I can tell he learned from daddy because his outlines are simple, yet profound.  My daddy didn't try to be over the top with flashy sermons.  He was simple, but knowledgeable.  He knew God's word.  He could quote so many passages of Scripture.  Something that my momma and I prayed for was that Daddy wouldn't lose his knowledge of the Scripture...and our prayer was answered.  He was able to talk with fellow pastors during his last week with us about future events in the Bible and other passages.  

I am so thankful that my daddy taught me who Jesus is...I'm also thankful that my momma led me to Jesus on Tuesday night in December.  I know I have never been the same and now I'm impacting lives of children ... hoping to point them to Jesus too.

Please be praying about the impact in these kids lives.  They are so important to Jesus...AND to me :) 

Thursday, July 19, 2012


I have been very emotional this week.  It's not just vacation Bible school this week, but this past Sunday was  a month after my daddy entered Heaven.  I know he's in a better place.  I miss him dearly.

During our VBS dedication, I was sitting there thinking...I can't believe we made it (ahead of schedule at that).  I wasn't even sure if I would have been able to work VBS two months ago, but God allowed for me the opportunity to share in these kids lives.

I got the opportunity to sit with three brothers last night.  They are a little wild, but if you just sit and talk to them, they can settle down.  I love how they were sharing with me about what they were learning this week.  I thanked them for coming and I hope they get to come back during our regular Sunday school classes.

This year we are using Answers in Genesis "IncrediWorld Amazement Park."  I am working with the music department.  The kids will be having their program tomorrow night. I pray they will not be shy and be able to sing loudly and for the glory of the Lord!

Praise God for the work He is doing in my life this week. He has shown me new ways to reach kids and help them to behave :)

Saturday, June 16, 2012

It's Not Far...

from here to Jesus
His loving arms are opened wide
Close your eyes and He will lead you
Safely to His side
There's no need for you to fear Him 
You can trust Him with your heart
It's not's not far

A few years ago for Christmas I spent an evening with my friend Ben Jenkins and recorded a CD for my daddy.  I wanted to make something special for him to be able to listen to and actually use.  One of the songs was originally recorded by Newsong when Michael O'Brien was with them.  I emailed Michael to see if I could get the track to that song, because it was a special song that totally reminded me of my daddy.  The first verse talked about the dad being a hero to him and how the dad taught the boy to pray saying "It's not far from here to Jesus..." The second verse, years had past and the dad was at the end of his present life.  The person fumbled with words not sure what exactly to say, but he whispered in his ear his last goodbye, and said "It's not far from here to Jesus..." I was able to play that song that I recorded for him in the last hour of his life.  I'm so thankful for that opportunity.  God is so good.  He gave me an amazing dad to lead me to Jesus, to live the example of Jesus not only in the pulpit as a preacher, but also at home as my daddy. 

I can't explain the peace I have tonight, knowing that my dad is with Jesus.  It's still tough, but there is a peace.  He went peacefully too.  

I'm so thankful that I got the time I did these last 6 months.  I took a lot of time and spent at home with him or at the hospital leaving work and going straight there.  It's been incredible to see the impact my daddy had on other people.  The response from text, Facebook, phone, etc have been overwhelming.  I'm grateful to all who have expressed their sympathies.  

My daddy's favorite book of the Bible was Romans. I took it from him at Southland Bible Institute.  I know most people during this time like to quote from 8:28, but my favorite verse is previous...26 & 27.  Here is the message version
Romans 8:26-27The Message (MSG) 26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. 
This year I believe that God has been teaching me as I wait upon the Lord...the moment I get tired in the waiting, The Holy Spirit is right alongside me...helping me along the way.  If I don't know how OR what to pray, it doesn't matter..because He does my praying in and for me...making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.  God has given us his spirit that Jesus promised us in John 14.  He told the disciples that there is a comforter who comes to help us.  The peace I had mentioned from the Holy Spirit.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow...praise Him all creatures here below...praise Him above ye heavenly host...praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost...AMEN!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Update on my daddy...

Well...I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. My daddy has been placed into the Hospice Home yesterday.  It's been a very emotional few days.  I am thankful that God has given me strength and signs that He's walking with me through this valley time of my life.  

God is enough...

Saturday, April 14, 2012

what's happening....

Man, it's been a very long week.  My dad went into the hospital on March 31st. He has been there for 2 weeks.  We took him in because he had blood in his catheter bag.  My brother Paul (the last of the family who hadn't seen daddy since Buckeye Christmas) was due to visit on Good Friday for the weekend.  He got in on Thursday evening (late).  I was hoping that daddy would be out of the hospital, but was glad that Paul still got to see him.  Cindy helped mom with some stuff at home.  We also were hoping he would be home for Easter Sunday, but he wasn't able to get out then.

Through out the week they were still thinking of doing the Double J stint procedure, but Dr. Rogers came back and said, no he didn't want daddy to have it.  Daddy also didn't want this procedure - so I felt daddy had another advocate to not get this procedure.  Dr. Rogers decided to have a procedure on Friday. I got off on Thursday because there were some things that we needed to learn on how to flush the catheter if any blood clots were to get stuck and not let it flow well. While they were doing that, they did a bladder scan and saw fluid in it.  I think the fluid possibly was blood, but we haven't gotten confirmation on that.  On Friday, when I called momma, she told me they were going to do a procedure, but didn't know what time. I called my boss and got off so I could go up and be with momma.  Dr. Rogers stopped by before the procedure and told us what he was going to do.  He wanted to do a bladder cystoscopy and see what was in the bladder and see if he could find out what was causing the bleeding.  While there he was going to suck the clots up and cauterize the places that were bleeding.  He also wanted to see if there were any ulcers or tumors.

After the procedure he came and told us what he saw and what he did.  Daddy does have a high grade of prostate cancer. It is still pretty bad.  He has no muscular damage to the bladder, but does have nerve damage.  His prostate is enlarged and rock solid (not a good thing).  He didn't lose any blood while in the procedure and didn't need a transfusion there, but they had it ready for him just in case.  The doctor tried to cauterize all the places that were oozing and sucked the clots.  He was running clear in his irrigation yesterday, but last night he had a clot, and started running pink.  Today he has been running clear again.  Hopefully he will get to come home tomorrow :) as long as the blood work comes back good.  His hemoglobin is a little low and they are keeping an eye on it.  His nurses and the staff at the hospital have been great.  Of course you have your favorites.

During all this, my new song of the moment has been a staple to keep me focused on God!  It's a song I posted in the previous post.  My favorite line is "I will lay my crown at His feet; praising my Savior, my Lord, and my King! He reigns and I will rise! God's Glorious Light!"

Thursday, April 12, 2012

2012 Easter Special

Those people close to me know how much music impacts my life. I have songs of the moment because I can't choose just ONE song to be my favorite.  Well...I have a new song of the moment.  It's by my favorite male vocalist - Michael O'Brien.  He sang this at Gateway Church - not the Gateway Baptist Church that I attend and am a member of, but the one in Texas :) - oh to be a Texan for that Sunday!!!

Anyway, this song is BEAUTIFUL! I love how it goes from Jesus risen, my broken life, and Jesus returning to get us :)  I have asked him about the availability of a purchase from itunes and accompaniment track.  He's working on it, so be praying for him as he does this...I WANT IT!!!  (when available).

One of my favorite parts is when he's laying his crown at Jesus' feet!  I am so excited to be able to praise God through eternity!  Hallelujah!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Caution! Red Flags! Warnings!

I am thankful that God has given me an awareness and gives us the Holy Spirit to guide us.  As long as we are in tune with His Spirit and are not quenching Him, He is able to keep us safe and guide us in the ways that God directs.

My latest help has come with online dating.  I'm not a fan of it...and don't know why I decided to try it again, because with online dating people can pretend to be normal and honestly be something they are not.

I am thankful that red flags and warnings to warn caution are available - and sooner rather than later in the pursuits recently.  One happened within two days after texting, the other one was within a week.  The first one asked an inappropriate question to me, the other one asked me for "help" by giving money to him for some medical help.

These guys seem to pray on women's emotions...thinking that if or when we have fallen for them, we will do anything to keep the relationship going.  I am sorry, but I am not that naive.  My parents have taught me to listen to the Holy Spirit.  By letting Him guide me in my walk, I'm able to wait upon the Lord for when things are ready to proceed.

It saddens me that guys out there prey on us single girls.  What is worse, there are girls out there wanting any type of relationship that they are willing to give these guys money or letting them be perverts to them.  Please if you are reading this and know women who are single and looking for a mate...first pray for them.  Encourage them to wait upon the Lord for direction.  Remind them they are special and don't deserve to be taken advantage of...and lastly be a friend...a listening ear for them. It may seem that they are saying the same things over and over, but it helps us to learn by repetition.

Monday, March 05, 2012

Anthony Evans! and his sister Priscilla Shirer

I am not really a fan of the Voice, but this year, because of Anthony Evans, I was watching.  He didn't get picked in the battle rounds.  I have to say I'm really glad he got to do it.  He did a really good job.  I think it's great that God gave him this opportunity. I know that God is sovereign and I can't wait to see where He's going to take Anthony!

I'm a huge fan of the Evans family.  Anthony's sister Priscilla Shirer wrote the book "The Resolution for Women."  I will be posting more from that book in a later post.  It's been a really good study.  I have a person in my life to help me stay accountable to this study.  It's been very helpful so far :)

Well...until next time :)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Martins - Wait On The Lord

I love this little chorus about waiting on the Lord.  I mentioned it to my pastor to maybe be able to use in our missions conference as the theme is "Wait on the Lord."

Had two great services today. I wasn't feeling well tonight as I took some Advil on an empty stomach, but my stomach is settling down now.  I am still sore from my rock climbing adventure yesterday :) but I'll make it.

Until next time...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Resolution for Women - Surpringly Satisfied

I had started this book awhile back, but got distracted with the holidays. Now that things have calmed down, I have decided to begin this journey again. Chapter 1 is titled "Surprisingly Satisfied" which really goes along with the waiting theme of 2012. Priscilla quotes from Philippians 4:11-13 "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content -- whether we'll fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Himi who strengthens me." She later says "Your God can be trusted to grant you the supply you need to excel at His purposes. So if you don't need it -- whatever it is -- it's because you don't need it. You may want it, but it's not necessary in order to accomplish what He knows is most important for your life today. Otherwise He'd have given it to you. He loves you too much to "withhold the good from those who live with integrity". (Ps. 84:11) As I read this paragraph my thoughts went to my want of a husband. I recently signed up on a Christian dating site, and so far it has not been the best of experiences. I think from this study I know why...I don't need a husband to do what I am doing for the Lord. I may want one, but that doesn't mean I need one now. So I think I am see if I can get my money back and just enjoy this time in my life of being single and not worrying about looking for someone to spend my life with...God will provide in His timing if it's His will.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Think on these things...Phil 4:8

Okay...I was in Bible study tonight thinking about a conversation that was had earlier in the day.  God lead me to a verse ... one of my favorites - Phil. 4:8.
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (NASB)
Life Application Bible has this application in the notes:
"What we put into our minds determines what comes out in our words and actions.  Paul tells us to program our minds with thoughts that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and praise worthy.  Do you have problems with impure thoughts day daydreams? Examine what you are putting into your mind, through television, books, conversations, movies, and magazines.  Replace harmful input with wholesome material.  Above all read God's word and pray.  Ask God to help you focus your mind on what is good and pure.  It takes practice, but it can be done. a life of purity is not the easiest way to live, but I'm thankful for this verse.  Basically this is what I'm to think if this is the stuff I'm to allow myself to dwell on...then anyone who doesn't speak words like this, I just need to run away from them.

Later in the application bible, I saw this question - HOW EASY IT IS TO READ THE BIBLE AND NOT THINK ABOUT HOW TO LIVE DIFFERENTLY?

We can read the words from the Bible, even think about it, but if it doesn't change our lifestyle, then what good is it?  Each time we read something we should think about how we can live it out.  It's tough ... it's not an easy thing to do, but to become more like Christ, we need to change our way of living.

The standard is HOLY.  It's high...but that's the standard that God has set.  Our job is to strive.  Do we stumble?  Yes. Do we fall?  Yes.  Does that mean we just live the way we want to?  No!  It means that we need to continue to strive for that holy lifestyle.  How do we do that??? Think of those things.  Dwell of them.  Get them into our minds...replace that crap that life throws at it.

My song of the moment now is "Where I Belong" by Building 429.  The first verse says, "Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside, Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing, but am I alive? I will keep searching for answers, that aren't here to find."  They aren't here in the world...they are in the Word though.  God gave us the Bible and the Holy Spirit.  When the Holy Spirit lets us know things are not right, we are to run toward God.  If we don't things can get hairy...tough...crazy.

I'm thankful for Christian friends who are true Christians...people that I can confide in and ask about situations that come to life.  They guide me with the help of the Holy Spirit to continue on my journey of waiting.  I'm thankful for people like that.


Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Waiting - Smash book

So my sister Leah and I are really into scrap booking.  She introduced me to a new thing the last couple years.  It was a calendar/scrapbook.  I now know what to call this...A SMASH BOOK!  She recently showed me a link about "smash books" and I bought one.  I was praying about what to do with the smash book I bought. I didn't want to just put anything in it, but wanted something with substance for my first smash book. My calendar/scrapbook smash book is for just everyday things, but this smash book I wanted something important.

So here goes.

I believe that 2012 is a year that God is teaching me via the word Wait (and trust).  It's been a stressful year already.  I spent the last two weeks of January driving back and forth to the hospital to be with my dad.  He had a prostate and kidney issue.  I'm thankful he is doing better now.  I am amazed the lessons God has shown me lessons in waiting during this time.

First - waiting is a progression.  I used to think of "waiting" as an inactive/passive thing.  Like sitting in one place for a long time.  But God showed me that waiting is active.  It's a progression...looking at it like waiting in line for that exciting ride at the best amusement park.  You can be in line for hours, going through the serpentine thing, but getting closer to THAT ride.  Even the serpentine was interesting to me, because life is about turns and twists on this road we travel.  There may be a road block that makes us turn to go almost the same way we came, but still a little closer to the goal.  I love how I discovered that waiting is not just sitting in one place, but it's a progression.

Second - waiting involves trust.  When you don't know what to do, you have to trust that the waiting process is where God wants you.  I read a quote from a friends' Facebook that said "Trusting God means looking beyond what you can see, to what God sees."

Third - waiting helps us see the bigger picture.  I had been talking to a guy for the past few months.  At first the conversations were great.  He was saying all the right things, but as we began to get comfortable with each other, I began seeing red flags and began praying that God would intervene.  He did.  I haven't heard from the guy in a few weeks. I don't know why, but I'm thankful for the answered prayer.  I wanted to find a special guy and apparently that was not the one. I believe that God can still bring the guy I have been praying for ... the guy that He is creating for me.

My book is beginning to get filled with really great quotes and message outlines.  Also with poems, songs, thoughts about waiting/trusting.  I am thankful that God is working with me through this journey.  It's not a fun thing to wait, but what really helps is that God will strength my heart in these days. "Psalm 27:14 - Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart, wait, I say on the Lord."

I am thankful that I am doing better with the waiting aspect of things.  I know it's not something in the past that I have been good at...mainly because I didn't understand how waiting works.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Photo Shoot!

Last Sunday after church, I met a good friend of mine for a photo shoot.  I originally approached my friend Trina about some Zumba promotion, but when we got started, we ended up doing just regular shots of me.  I had a blast with Trina.  We began our trek at Gateway Baptist Church and made a few stops before heading to her "secret" spot.  She stopped the car and said, "I want you to go and stand in the middle of the road.  I was like...okay, but when she started posing me, and I saw the products on the little camera, I began to trust her.  I then just got into myself and had a blast...I was posing myself and just hamming it up for the camera. She called me a dork and I proved it by leaving my bag of extra clothes in the middle of the road.  She said the look on my face was hilarious when I had got back to the car and didn't see them in there.  We went back to where we started, and right there in the middle of the road was my bag sitting there.  I picked it up and then...a car came around the bend.  How great God was to protect my stuff while I was being a dork and hamming it up :)

Trina worked hard to get some of the photos online for me to check out...she has more to do, but I thought I'd share some of my favorites :)

 This is one that was just fun to do, but the sun was in my face really bad :)
 I like this one, just because of the stance...the relaxed look of enjoying the outdoors.
This is one right after she said something that was supposed to make me laugh, but it didn't :)
 So she tried again...and it worked!
 I love my curls in this one...I was glad I was having a great hair day :)
This my favorite one for the Zumba promotion.  I didn't jump, but it looks like I just did a great jump and was landing :)

I'm looking forward to getting back out with Trina and finishing the rest of the Zumba promotion shots.  It was a lot of fun.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Whether we prosper or not...

*Note all scripture taken from New Living Translation
We have a responsibility to...

1. Endure - II Timothy 2:3-4 "Endure suffering along with me, as a good solider of Christ Jesus. And as Christ's soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted you in his army."

As we live this life as Christians we are to endure through trials, hardships, pain, commitments, etc.  God has called us in this life as soldiers and when we quit early we aren't able to bring glory to Him.

2. Fight - I Timothy 1:18 "Timothy, my son, here are my instructions for you, based on the prophetic words spoken about you earlier.  May they give you the confidence to fight well in the Lord's battles."
Ephesians 6:12 "For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms."

Some Christians are fighters, which mean they have scars and they are wounded...these are the fighters in the faith.  Those who have lived the responsibility to walk the the faith.  One thing that helps those fighting is fellowshipping with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  God has called us to assemble in His house...are you there?  Are you isolating yourself?  It's okay to show your let people see that you are wounded.  I know that believers are not always the best to those who are wounded, but we need to step up and care for our wounded.  Help them along the way.

3. Stand - I Corinthians 16:13 "Be on guard.  Stand trust to what you believe. Be courageous.  Be strong."  We have a responsibility to stand whether we prosper in our life or not.  Stand up for what you believe in.  I love the song from the Veggie Tales "Stand" because it's a simple message, but a vital part of living my Christian life.  The chorus goes "I remember stand (stand up, stand up), for what you believe in, believe in, Believe in God (He's the one to back you up), He'll stand with you!"  We need to finish's not easy and it's not fun, but it's important.

4. Wait - Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength.  They will fly high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint." This is a promise to those who wait on Him.

I wrote in my last blog entry about waiting.  I have a feeling that for 2012 my word is "WAIT."  I don't like that word, but this is important when living my life in God's timing.  I need to wait for the right mate, wait for the answer to a decision, wait for the phone to ring sometimes...Waiting is an action word, but it's hard to do.  I mentioned to my pastor that I would rather endure, fight and stand, than to just wait.  It's harder to wait.  Two of my favorite verses have the word wait in them though...Psalm 27:14 "Wait patiently for the LORD.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the LORD."  This verse has become very special to me over the years. I used to not like it because it talked of waiting, but as I have matured in my faith, I realize that waiting is how we can succeed in our life.  The other verse is becoming the verse of the moment for me.  Psalm 5:3 "Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD.  Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly."

The thing I'm learning in to wait expectantly.  Knowing that God will show up and that He will come through for me.  I just have to wait for Him...expectantly.

I'm thankful that New Years' Day began with this message to help me put my thoughts in order.