it has been a very emotional day, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. God has been so good to me - blessed me with an amazing family, wonderful friends, and special memories. He gave me a very special moment this morning by reminding me that He is all I need. Don't get me wrong, I had great gifts from my family, but Jesus gave me Himself as a gift, and I'm thankful I accepted His gift 29 years and 4 days ago. There but for the grace of God go I :)I had an amazing time with my family. I had gotten my sister the Jason Crabb Live DVD - he was singing "I'd Rather Have Jesus" on it. Hearing that this morning, I just wanted to share it with my friends on Facebook. This brought a friend of mine posting another video from that DVD for me to check out. I was actually listening to it as I was writing my earlier blog. Leah had told me to check out another performance on youtube "I'm Amazed" he was to be at a prison and he had some of the members of the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir with him at this prison. Some of the men were stone cold faces listening to the songs, others were weeping. It was an incredible performance so I shared it with my friend. He enjoyed it.
What was really special about the day was this was the first Christmas that I really didn't want anything. What I mean is I realized that Jesus is all I want...He's definitely all I need, but to say Jesus is all I truly want is something. My goal for this Christmas was to enjoy the moments - moments with my momma - my family - my nephews - my friends. Remembering those things and just really taking in those moments.
Life is short. We know that especially with the tragedy at Newtown, CT. That situation has been on my heart as I begin to pick songs to share with a church on New Years Eve. One of the songs, I hope to share is "Can You Hear Me? (How Many Times)" by Plumb. This is a special song for me because after daddy passed, I heard it and it touched me. I have asked those same questions "How many times have you heard me cry out, God please take this? How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?" I know during these last 6 months every breath that I have taken has been from God. He knows how many days I'm to live. My job is not to make estimations of His return, ask questions of why things happen, or persuade people on my side of thinking. What I'm to do is serve Him and bring honor to Him. To glorify Him. I was created by The Creator to bring praise to Him. I love that. I sing a song called "Psalm 139" - I love the thought of the song "Even though You know (me) You will always love me, Even though you know, You'll never let me go, I don't deserve Your love, but You give it freely, You will always love me...even though you know." So when people ask me why does God allow for things like this to happen...I have to remind myself I don't have to have a pat answer. I don't have to understand the workings of God. I trust that He (My Creator) is in control and bring praise to Him.
I do know that God can be there in those dark days. He can be there holding our hand. Think about the poem "Footprints" - when the man only saw one set of prints in the sand...he was told those were the times he was being carried.
What I do understand is that God has been there for me in my dark times. He has been there holding me ... giving my breaths to take ... in control! I think of my brother's song that he wrote in honor of my dad. "There but for the grace of God go I"
So as I close this Christmas Day of 2012. I'm thankful that I'd rather have Jesus...than anything :)